The Deal that Made Me a Catholic

 

Mr. and Mrs. J. K. Cowdery, July 1, 1950.

My mother’s family was Roman Catholic and devoutly so. My father’s family was, as he described it, “vaguely Protestant.” They didn’t go to church and didn’t talk about religion. He had, however, been baptized Catholic at his mother’s insistence. She never took him to church either and divorced his father and left when Dad was six.

That baptism proved crucial when my parents married. They wanted to be married by a priest in her family’s parish church. Her family was not just devout but active in the parish. Her father was friends with the monsignor. Because Dad was baptized, he didn’t need to convert. He just needed to start following the rules. He had to become a practicing Catholic. Attending mass every Sunday was the main obligation. He wasn’t interested. So, the three men negotiated.

Each man had one non-negotiable position. Dad’s was that he would not pretend to be Catholic. Grandpa’s was that the marriage had to be recognized by the church. Monsignor’s was that Dad had to agree to baptize any children and raise them Catholic. Dad agreed so Monsignor allowed them to be married by a priest, though not by him, and not in the sanctuary. Instead, they were married by one of the parish’s other priests, in the house next to the church where the priests lived. 

At Grandpa’s direction, no pictures were taken of the ceremony. Instead, the wedding party adjourned to the front steps of the church and all pictures were taken there, and at the subsequent reception at a local restaurant. Grandpa understood optics.

No one was entirely happy, but everyone was satisfied, and the agreement held. Starting with me, the eldest, all six Cowdery children were baptized and attended the parish school. Every Sunday, our mother dressed us in our finest garb and sat us front row center. Dad attended sporadically. When my sisters were born, twins, staying home with the babies gave Dad his excuse to drop attendance to zero. 

I’m sure that relatively quiet hour at home did more for his spiritual health than any church service.