How to Write a Business Book in 7 Easy Steps

(WARNING: NO BOURBON CONTENT)

In case you want to use your quarantine to write a business book, here is a primer.

1.  Give every idea a name. A new name makes an old idea new and by naming it, you make it yours. You can steal anything as long as you give it a new name.

2. Use lots of numbered lists. The top 3 this, the 4 worst that, the 8 biggest whatevers. The lists should be short, never more than ten items, but the number of different lists you can have is unlimited.

3. Repeat your central thesis constantly. Say it the same way and say it different ways, but say it again and again. (If you don't have a central thesis yet, see point number 1 above.)

4. Say everything important in the first 20 pages, because most readers won't get any further, and more importantly no reviewer will get any further. Then restate everything as often as necessary until you reach the contracted page count.

5. Give lots of supporting examples. They are good for filling space. Feel free to make them up.

6. Set up a lot of strawmen. Knock them down with vigor.

7. Seduce the reader. The most important person your book describes should be the person reading it. The world revolves around them. They are indispensable. Know your reader. Stroke your reader.
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